Expressive and Emotional word content… poetic justice… my thoughts are perceptive, occasionally subjective but always dimensional. My career lies in psychology and my mind lies in philosophy. To question and ponder is to reflect. I am both reflective and directive. I never walk with caution as our steps need their footprints. I love this journey we call life.


A letter to my daughter

If I had to give you the greatest gift my love, I would give you courage.

I would ask you to always be brave and hold your head high, against societal perception, prejudice, discrimination, and ignorance.

I would tell you to use your metaphorical shield and unleash your sword of wise words and justness, to stand tall for yourself and others.

I would give you the insight to see the pure power of kindness, to understand the impact on others and to bestow it on those around you.

I would ask that you shower others with this kindness and use your umbrella of compassion to protect and defend them against the darker days and emotional storms.

This are the gifts I would give you as love, you already hold in your hands… and in mine, Strength is in your back bone, and resilience is bred into your being.

I ask you to view a mirror as your friend, and smile always at your reflection. Beauty remains there always, but you have to believe your own heart and ignore the falseness of others. Often you will question this, but straighten your crown my girl, and keep that smile shining brightly. Beauty lives there.

Follow your own path my darling, make it your own. Remember those dreams of magic and wonderment and keep on believing. It exists In you always.

I would ask you to never take anything for granted. Life can be amazing and beautiful, yet it can turn, like the clouds, and become unpredictable and hard.

The one lesson I’d teach you is that worth is equal, Life is life, and diversity keeps everything much more interesting.

Never stand above anybody and look down, and never strain your neck by looking up at others, as the picture doesn’t always fit the paper.

Do you, my love. Be the best version of yourself, and live your bestest life.

That’s all I ask.

Love always,

Your mother, who will worry regardless, but always pick you up when you fall. Who will hold your hand but also kick your butt when you are wrong. Who will believe for you when you lose hope, and lead you back to where you need to be ❤️

Creativity or Clarity?

Sometimes we need to think out the box. Like Percival does.

The art of perception is purely based on ones own experience and expectations, however, what if we pushed our boundaries and considered that any impossibility could become a real and clear possibility?

We would then have to challenge the conundrum of mounds and mounds of self righteous learnt behaviours and beliefs. Challenge the should’s and the must’s and change these little buggers to can’s and will’s.

After all isn’t anything possible?

Creativity comes from belief and from belief, new life is born. The world should not remain predictable and mundane, nor should our ideas and individual prospects.

Take an object and see it in lights, study it’s texture, it’s angle, it’s purpose. See it’s possibility. Make it an opportunity.

If we continue to see only what is placed for us to see, how can we visualise and challenge?

Take creativity by its balls and make it your own. Definition is mastered through seeking the light. Stop hiding within the shade.

Waiting to meet you…

I watch the hands as the clock bypasses time,

I feel you nearer,

The tick tocking in my heart

I can see you in my minds eye

Your smile warming my life

Who will you be my precious girl,

My sparkling snowflake,

I will chase your dreams and will catch for you,

My hand, ever warm, holding you tight

My heart in in time with yours.

That dreaded 20 week ultrasound tick tick tick tick……

Laid in bed this morning thinking back over the last few weeks. My little girl keeps kicking me ‘mama, time to get up, come on mama get used to it, I will be here soon’

It puts a smile on my face and I lay here enjoying these personal and special moments that’s just the two of us.

Flashback to January 15th when the morning started the same. The excitement bubbling up as that day we were going to see her wriggling around, the sonographer telling us that she was growing and maybe catch a yawn or a tiny wave.

That’s what you expect eh. You never think that it will be you whom they go quiet on, their faces portraying concern at having to deliver bad news.

As a mental health nurse, this perplexed me, as this role is so important in a woman’s pregnancy. Mental health and positive emotional coping is just as imperative as eating healthy and taking those god awful multivitamins they constantly promote (on reflection and to confirm, I did take, and still do take those horse tablets). Another pregnancy ‘perk’.

As I lay on the bed, my own instinct to read situations and people began to kick in, and I sensed a feeling of uneasiness. You can feel it can’t you, like a wave of insight flowing from another into your every fibre. She dithered with her hands and stumbled on her words as she told us she needed to leave the room to seek support and a second opinion.

Looking back, Jesus, it was dramatic. I could almost hear the rain drums thumping in the background as they began to hit their crescendo…

Honestly? My heart began to sink and my usual brave demeanour began to slip past my false smile and now beating heart.

I don’t really remember the full conversation but I remember the words, Down syndrome, dwarfism, dysplasia…

These words went through my head for almost a week as we waited to see the consultant on 22nd for a further scan.

Mental health I mentioned earlier? In my shoes. Looking back, I ask again, why is this not considered at this crucial moment? This is horrifying for a couple, anxiety provoking and plain scary. Watching paint dry, as the hours and the days tick tick by.

I value the NHS. The support we have received since is amazing, but at this moment, and for almost a week later, we were stuck in our own hell. Just a waiting game.

I found support through social media, through my friends and family, however i am proactive. That’s my personality. What about the people who aren’t?

There is a prominent gap in support services. This grey area which can be absolutely amazing but on reverse can bring you to your knees.

At the scans, we are already mothers. My baby was already kicking and making her presence known. Every time I threw up, I rolled my eyes and told myself she was worth it. Being a mummy outweighed it all. Yet I spent a week almost, unable to sleep, not knowing the fate of my unborn child, and had no health professional advising or reassuring us. Unfortunately we are simply one couple. I hate to think of the worry people are facing every day. As a mental health nurse it perplexed me. As a mother it breaks me.

Since this I have researched on social media and the internet, and the amount of women who have tried to conceive for years. Their miracle baby. Don’t the health professionals understand that in that one moment, their happy ever after may be ripped apart. Why isn’t this considered from a crisis perspective?

They need a voice. We all need a voice. Changes only happen through education, awareness and willingness to stand up.

Now I will get off my soapbox….. for today…..

My snowflake

I wrote this for my unborn little lady who the specialists believe has Osteogenesis Imperfecta – to joe public, this is brittle bones. I’m on a journey of discovery, heartache, intrigue, fear, anxiety, yet excitement. I don’t know what my little lady will have, nor do I know whom she will be. What I do know, is that like a butterfly, she will soar… and like a snowflake, she will glisten beautiful and serene.

My snowflake

Who will you be, this beauty of mine,

Sent to me to cherish and love,

Will you be vibrant, so full of life,

My angel of glass from above

A snowflake you are, So precious and true,

Gleaming and sparkling in light

my beautiful girl, I see you there

Your smile, my heaven delight.

I’ll hold your hand, and wipe your tears,

My vision of perfection you are,

My delicate snowflake,

That intricate you,

My shining and glittering star 💫

My Precious

Yet do I know you, but I feel you in my heart,

Your story is waiting to begin,

the page is blank,

Just reinforced by love, my sweetest one

Trepidation I own, yet I cannot wait to know you,

Your scent already etched in my bones,

Your smile in my heart,

My arms ready to pull you close and stroke your tiny face

I know you as I have dreamt you,

Dreams afresh and alive,

I see your angelic face,

I hear your laugh, infectious, and I know,

You were sent from above.

Blessed is best!

Sometimes we need to take a step away from the drama and negativity, and really appreciate the positivity of life. There are always going to be hardships, emotional highs and lows, however it is our reactions to these which define who we are.

Who we hope to be.

I feel lucky to have a life that I love and appreciate. I love my career, my friends and my family. These are the main dish. Everything else is simply a side order. Take it or leave it.

The dessert is the gratitude and love that makes it all fucking worthwhile!! 👌😜