Do we own our values or is it simply a scam?

So we all claim to have individual morals and values… I certainly do.

I consider my own values as my inheritance from my grandmother. She was an amazing and strong woman.

I remember her wisdom when I was a child. I also remember her chastisements.

I honestly believe she made me the woman I am today. She gave me integrity, instilled values, and made me self-aware.

However…

Are these traits truly our own or a replication of others?

Although my grandmother made such an emotional and psychological impact in me, have I developed my own cognitions? Or simply a duplication of hers? Is this free will or learnt behaviour?

Let’s take the issue of fidelity and culture. The diverse views on monogamy and pologamy in relationships.

Personally I lead a monogamous life. I confess my values do not comprehend the poly lifestyle. This does not make this view wrong. It simply does not connect to my own values. I would not inflict my values inappropriately on anyone else. I like the fact we live in such a diverse world, however, if my views were learnt behaviour…then do I own them?

To self explore this issue, I consider my deeper values and morals. I consider my own psyche and the way I choose to live. I am an emotional being and believe in the romance factor, I believe in the pairing of two. But are my values really based on preference?

I hold my values in high regards but if these are instilled by my own choice, are they actually a value anyhow? Or simply a state of mind.

To clarify this, I know that personally I would never engage in poly. I do not feel this would complete me and meet my needs. To give my all to someone is emotionally exhausting enough, allowing vulnerability to show and to invest a big part of me, which may or may not prove futile. But I do this, as like others, I choose happiness. I enjoy the ideation of pure coupling. I personally do not have the energy or emotional vigour to give to more than one. This is not to say, I do not support the views of others and if happiness prevails then who am I to interfere.

(If my significant other is reading this, remain aware this is not a suggestion, I stand my ground to be the only one).

On a serious note, the ideation of values remains questionable. We vow we will not steal, lie, hinder, offend, or hurt. Yet, we also do these things to ourselves on a daily basis. Are we really superficial? Are our values ‘dependant’ on the situation?

If they are a ‘learnt’ phenomenon, then who do we learn our self negativity from?

Is this really a choice or simply something we accept….to make it easier….to remain justified.
Just saying.

The mind of a deep thinker…or complete rubbish…it is all down to interpretation and perception…

Do ‘actions’ really speak louder than words?

As individuals we express ourselves through our verbal words but also through our body language. But what if our words say one thing and our actions say another?

Which do we trust? How do we know which one is telling us the truth?

I think we need to consider this from a personal and moral stance? Some people find words easy where others struggle to verbalise their innermost desires and fears.

Some people are emotionally able, some are emotionally disabled.

Others simply give lip service to an audience but this can often lack meaning.

Body language is more complex. It is more visual and least likely to offer a multifaceted perspective. It tends to be subconscious and cannot always be controlled.

Take our eyes…..These really can be the windows to the soul. We cannot hide negative cognition… we cannot hide deep desire.

How we choose to act is pure behaviour. It is conscious and it is a choice.

Words and behaviour can indeed be interpreted and can have a sharp underlay.

If we want to know the truth…if we truly want to seek realistic answers, read these in expression, in body stance and in the face.

The eyes don’t lie.

The mind of a deep thinker…or complete rubbish…it is all down to interpretation and perception…

‘Too good to be true’ or simple negative perception?

How many times have you questioned the positivity of a situation?

How many times have you thought something was ‘too good to be true?’ Doubted the limitless possibilities and vast opportunity.

We spend hours analysing why things go wrong and why we are unable to see the rainbows for the clouds…. yet… when we are offered a slice of happiness or fulfilment, why do we doubt it’s substance?

Why do we then spend hours, yet again, questioning it’s true intent and doubting ourselves?

Statistically if some things are actually ‘too good to be true’ then is the rule of thumb simply that, some things are then the opposite?

Things can and will be, very true.

It’s a clear balance and we need to examine this as an equal concept.

If we forever remain cynical and doubting then how can we open ourselves to acceptance. How can we ever be completely happy?

Life is about developing, pushing forward, and striving. But it is also about love, luck, dreams and belief.

If things really do seem too good to be true then maybe it’s because of the way we think of it and analyse it.

Maybe we actually create the phenomenon and create the barriers we perceive.

What if everything we thought was in fact a fictionous concept and that happiness really was a heartbeat away.

We just need to believe and reach for it.

The mind of a deep thinker…or complete rubbish…it is all down to interpretation and perception…

Letter to my 16 year old self

If you could advise your previous and developing self, what would you say? What would be the important things you would write?

This concept has been used for years in psychology. It is a way to reincarnate deep rooted fears, anxieties and unhealthy cognitions. It is a way to soothe our psyche and also to self realise our own growth and individual behaviours.

But taking the psychological reasonings aside, what advise would you offer, and do you honestly think this advice would be useful?

At 16, I was not self-aware. I was not self-realised. My actions were based on childhood fantasy, undiluted aspiration and undamaged dreams. I saw the world through rose tinted glasses. My vision was based primarily on myself and the external world was simply a stage.

I embraced my role.

As I travelled and grew, I made many mistakes. Suffered heartbreak, caused pain and havoc and my spirit was challenged.

Would my words of experience have changed this young and developing woman? Would it have reduced the anxiety. Would it have ultimately changed my path?

Would this have been healthy?

If life is really a developing journey and the path we walk meaningful, then surely the trials and tribulations of our youth are indeed a part of this. To create our adult self, we need to experience the maze of emotions and bathe in uncertainty.

I believe wholeheartedly that the cliché ‘it is all character building’ is very relevant. To create, to grow, first we need to build and sometimes fail.

At 16 years old, we are not meant to carry the knowledge. At 18 we are still learning. At 20, we still need to grow.

I am 33 years young and it’s still complex. I am still learning, failing, yet creating. Life is about embracing and letting go. This is how we begin to self-realise.

It’s simply part of our individual journey.

The mind of a deep thinker…or complete rubbish…it is all down to interpretation and perception…

Gender difference or simply conditioning??

I have recently been reading about the high statistics of depression and risk in men. This got me pondering further. Are our genders that cosmetically different and is it really the theory ‘men are from mars, women are from venus’ that lead us? OR is it simply that conditioning and learnt behaviour has impacted so deeply on our society that men ‘fear’ being seen as emotional beings?

The gender portrayal of opposite sex leads us to believe that women are emotional and are ‘allowed’ to cry… whilst men are the ‘hunters’ and should protect us women folk. The big issue I have here is that regardless of roles in the family dynamics, we are all still simply human beings and I’m pretty damn sure, we each were developed with a psyche, and experience the same turbulence of emotions.

So is this fair on our men folk? The expectations are kept so high that they are expected to be absent of poor mental health and suffering?

Yet us women can continue to cry freely.

I look at the children I work with and even at their young age, the gender divide is clear. What are we teaching the younger generation if we are clearly already failing?

Mental health affects everyone. This is regardless of gender. A strong (wo)man is the person who can admit defeat and then continue to conquer.

Let’s stop this ignorant thinking and make us all as one.

The mind of a deep thinker…or complete rubbish…it is all down to interpretation and perception…

Silent Journey

The rain on the windows,
Quietly tapping,
Melodic beat,
Echoing,
The frosty glaze thickening,
No physical stir.

Shadows looming closely,
Dancing silent,
Reflective,
Atmospheric perceptions,
The warmth kept within.

Mindly alterations,
Creative rumination,
Mystifying,
Visual cognitions,
The looming dark.

Light slowly fading,
Imagery dancing,
Falling,
Eyes slowly closing,
Dreaming ascends.

The mind of a deep thinker…or complete rubbish…it is all down to interpretation and perception…

Are our clothes simply external?

Society instructs us to cover up…to wear appropriate clothing and not to venture out in the nude.

It’s something quite clearly none of us would consider doing. Venturing to the supermarket or the office with nothing but smiles. There is confidence. …then there is ‘confidence’. Also the fact our day may be spent in the local police station or hospital.

However every day we venture out internally nude.

Some of us wear masks…. we play a part. Some of us simply hide and blend with the crowds.

The problem is we are still visible. We are still there.

We can pretend we are simply blending with the crowd, we can even stand strong, ever adverse to emotion.

But, we remain naked. We cannot hide our internal make up.

Do you notice that face at the window, the lonely face staring out at the external bustle? That person’s eyes tell a lonesome story. A wishful look.

The woman at the bus stop trying to look visually engaged with her phone? Her hands slightly tremble. She is feeling anxious.

Do we forever try to fabricate our trueness? Is it easier to wear false garments and attempt to hide the inner feelings.

Our eyes betray us. Our body language sabotage’s the creation. We attempt to create an armed barricade. An invisible barrier. Why?

Because it protects us. It hurts less.

To walk naked is a risk. To wear our metorphorical heart on out sleeve makes us vulnerable.

So we continue to wear our clothes as we’ve been told. We continue to live our day as expected. Yet, we also continue to play our role, our self decided character.

What we don’t see is that, the more we hide, the more we are visible.

Escapism becomes internal yet is evident in more external facets. The more we deny, the more we become the prey.

Rule of thumb.

We remain who we are. We remain naked.

To embrace and stand tall is to own whom we really are. The real you. The real me. The real us.

The mind of a deep thinker…or complete rubbish…it is all down to interpretation and perception…

Seek and ye shall find… if we do not fear…

We chase rainbows…we dream in colours…
we wish. We forever seek.

So when we glimpse that sudden prize, why do we often fear it? Why do we doubt its pure existence?

Do we doubt ourselves that much that our dreams seem too unrealistic and unobtainable? Why don’t we accept that sometimes dreams indeed come true.

Take a career choice for example. We work hard, often exhaust ourselves to be acknowledged or to gain that promotion. Yet when we receive these things, we simply look for a catch. Surely this is ‘too good to be true?’ …. what if it is not?

Where do we develop this doubt from?

We seek that passionate love… the special connection and that someone who can change our opinions and make us believe…

Yet when we find it… why do we doubt it’s existence? Why do we doubt ourselves?

Is happiness such a risk??

How many hours do we spend day dreaming? Planning our lives and making imaginative dents in our journey? Surely each benchmark should be celebrated. We should rejoice in our satisfied dreams.

Maybe we fear because of the strength of our desire… maybe we simply have lost sight of our own abilities.

If ‘too good to be true’ exists, maybe we need to reframe this cliché to enable our own empowerment.

Instead… ‘As good as we deserve’

We all seek happiness, achievement, contentment…. we need to stop running and stop doubting and embrace our life’s plan. 

We need to hold out our hands and take it. Accept it.

If everything happens for a reason….We need to own it.

Believe in it…or forever hold our peace.

The mind of a deep thinker…or complete rubbish…it is all down to interpretation and perception…

Perplexing perfection

His smile, enlightenening,
Dazzling yet still,
A promise,
Lingering fulfilment,
Moist enticement.

Connective spectrum,
Momentary stillness,
Flames,
Dancing, lingered vision,
Continous yearning.

Vast realisation,
Hearts binding,
United lull,
Satisfaction building,
Moment of perfection.

The mind of a deep thinker…or complete rubbish…it is all down to interpretation and perception…

Tuesday teasers

Tuesday is not Monday, nor is it Friday. However it can be as unique and fabulous as you perceive it to be.

Make it your day ☆

The mind of a deep thinker…or complete rubbish…it is all down to interpretation and perception…